As they are produced by scientists, and therefore experts, mere mortals like us are obviously in no position to doubt their pearls of wisdom.
Again as any fule no the Heavenly Sweetness comes from New Zealand where the Nice Australians, as New Zealanders are known, live and also where the award winning documentaries on orcs, hobbits, trolls and other New Zealand wildlife were filmed.
However in news that is likely to cause X5, Audi TT and Evoque drivers to park even more erratically in Waitrose car parks and outside schools, there are claims that honey from Australia has the same properties as the One True Honey.
It includes the words 'a study has found....' and 'research' which means it must have been done by scientists and therefore must be true.
However the Kute Kiwis were quick to respond to this outrage and New Zealand's UMF Honey Association says the Australian researchers are "hitching a ride" on the global reputation of our honey by branding their 'jelly tree' as mānuka.
"It's like me taking a vine from France and calling it champagne," says association spokesman John Rawcliffe.
He thinks it's ludicrous Australian producers could stake a claim on New Zealand's local industry.
"The consumer has always seen the words 'mānuka honey' being a badge of honour saying it comes from New Zealand."
'And any way...', he continued, 'our scientists are better than your scientists. So ya boo to you!'
The UMF Honey Association is funded by Comvita, the main honey exporter of New Zealand and the company that funded the initial research into the Liquid Loveliness although obviously this has no relevance to their statement nor does the fact that the Tea Tree or manuka bush [or jelly tree] originated in Australia and grows widely throughout Eastern Australia.
Also although John says 'mānuka honey' being a badge of honour', he seems to forget the fact that official figures from New Zealand show there has been 5 times as much manuka produced as consumed leading to widespread claims of fraud.
Depressingly some dark hearted soul has pointed out that the research about the Australian honey came from.....an Australian university. Shockingly this deviant seems to imply there could be some sort of self interest. This would imply that scientists aren't the infallible beings we know them to be and, like Caesar's wife, they must be above suspicion. Say it aint so.
He also made some reference to Kashing Inn which I assume is some sort of hotel.
More Manuka muddle comes from two other reports suggesting Welsh and Scottish honey has the same properties as the Golden Goo.
These are both scientific reports carried out by scientists so are obviously true. One of them was carried out by Glasgow University and the other by Cardiff University although I not sure which University produced which report. Or am I?
The deviant has said something about another two rooms being taken at the Kashing Inn apparently.
All this has led to a hastily arranged press conference at the palatial Press Office on the 89th floor of Honeycomb Towers.
 |
| Honeycomb Towers |
'Ladies and gentlemen' announced Connor Mugg, the Scientific Director of North Bedfordshire Holdings, to an audience made up solely of a rather smelly dishevelled man with two large supermarket bags full of clothes who occasionally shouted at the pigeons passing the window..
'The finest scientific brains at North Bedfordshire Holdings have been taken out of the buckets of cold water we keep them in and come up with some amazing findings which are:-
'Manuka is apparently honey and so is our honey.
'Our honey and manuka honey looks the same.
'Our honey and Manuka tastes the same.
'Our honey and Manuka both fit in glass jars'.
'Our honey and Manuka honey is made by bees.
Therefore the only conclusion its possible to make is that our honey and Manuka are the same thing and therefore our honey must have the largely unproven benefits of Manuka.'
Connor paused to beam at the man in the back row who had fallen asleep and was gently snoring.
'We have noticed the disparity in prices between manuka honey and ours and as now we can prove the honeys are the same, we will be making a tiny change to the price of our honey.
The very small change is to move the decimal point to the right so it will now cost £45.00'
At which point the strange man woke up, shouted 'The bloody pigeons are after me'' and left.
No comments:
Post a Comment